It's rather sad to know that time is ticking away so quickly. One moment I was still a sec1 and the next I knew I was to be in 206 and then CNY and all the angpaos xD and then there were the march hols and then syf(thinking of the experience, so memorable) then MYAs and june hols then we were chionging xisong and everything for concert and before we know it concert was over and now it's august, start of term3 week9 and tmr there's no sch cos of syf golds and gwhs! xD but still it will be used for studying and chionging stuff! D:
Why must it be that I always realise stuff at such a late time?Why does my time management suck this crazily? Why can't I just seem to prioritise things more properly? Instead of just slacking and stoning and whatever, can't I just read my notes or whatever? Why must I wait till I lose something then I come to regret it? Why? WHY? I don't know how to answer this. And I don't want to. It's just something to do with me. As every year passes, I either get more motivated, more hardworking or I make a turn for the worse. Why can't I like maintain? Okay I wasn't really hardworking in p6 but I remember in p4 or something I was like damn guai and I always learn my tingxie damn early and always finish my homework before I go home and I always sleep early. And there were no yawns, no eyebags,no stress. Although it was like the streaming year or what. Then I think maybe it's the school, the workload. But then it's like it has been a year alr and I should have adapted long ago or something. So then I think is it my choice to come here that was wrong? I have always thought of it. Being able to come to rgs is one of the best things in life. Experiencing school life here, getting into co, knowing so many people, having such nice friends and seniors and juniors and everyone else, is really a blessing. But then when it comes to the workload, there isn't really a lot, except sometimes, when it's super unbearable, but I will always manage to pull through whether it is through last minute work or early preparation(unlikely) or chionging in the mornings. But now, it just seems impossible.
Chinese PT presentation on tuesday--third to present(most likely I will just die.>.< but still I shall have some hope. I am not that hopeless am I? I think I am.):)
Math file due on tuesday(packed alr but missing worksheets and corrections and questions which I haven't done>.<)
History SA on wednesday(I think I will just die)
History file due latest on Thursday(haven't started. but will start soon)


I really have to change the way I study.
For myself. For my gpa. For everything.

However overwhelming it is, I must still have to have the courage and ability to pull through.
But sometimes, it's just so impossible. I am as useless as a block of wood that has algae on it.
Although I always tell people must be happy, don't be sad, must look on the bright side everything, it's hard when it comes to myself. It's really hard. Can't all of this just stop? Can't we have 48 hours or something in a day? Can't we have more holidays where we don't need to work? Why am I like that? Can't I just pull up my socks(not literally;high enough le) and just chiong all the way? Why do I always want other things to change to adapt to me, and not I change to adapt to others? Why? I must really really change myself. Really.
The year is already going to end. And then we will all become sec3s and the sec4s will really leave rg for rj. And then there will be concert. Don't know how I will pull through. Cannot bring myself to rely on vianne otherwise when their batch leave,I will really die for syf'09. And the thought is scary enough. I am not even good enough. I am not even qualified to be a senior. ): And I think I will just flunk kaoji, given my super pathetic standard. And this is not something I can heck care about. And thinking about it, I sometimes do regret stopping piano you know. But is there time? There will be if I find it. And now it all boils down to me. And the freaking problem with me.